Saturday, January 8, 2011

Demon Bitch Needs to Keep Her Mouth Shut!

So my husband and I went to a New Year’s Eve party at our good friends the Oakes. They throw the best parties and are so gracious. I couldn’t think of many places I’d rather be than there.

I even dressed up for the occasion. After all, with my schedule I rarely have the time or the interest in putting on makeup and putting thought into my outfit.

My poor husband. When he leaves for work in the morning I’m still in bed. So his last picture of me before he leaves is me in frumpy pajamas, bed head, bed face and morning breath. Pretty.

Then after work, I grab the dog and go for my ‘run’. So his first picture of me when he gets home is me all sweaty, make up melted off, hair pasted to my head and baggy sweaty clothes. Super-Pretty.

My husband always says he does not find ‘barbie dolls’ attractive. He likes women to look ‘natural’. Great! Now if he would just swing a little further to the “I like frumpy girls” then I’d have it made!

So, I took this occasion to wear a cute retro-dress with knee high boots, did my hair AND make up! Oo la la! I knew I looked cute. But when I took that last look in the full-length mirror, I heard that demon bitch that lives in my head say, “God! You’d think after completing a marathon, you wouldn’t be so fat!”

I hate her. The last time she spoke up in force was at mile 11 of the marathon. On a regular day she needs to keep her mouth shut. But for her to bad mouth me DURING my marathon was particularly evil. So I duct taped her mouth, hog tied her and threw her in a closet that day.

She must have wriggled herself free again since then. Damn mouthy bitch. So once again, I got the duct tape out, re-tied her (this time to a chair) and threw her back in the closet of my mind. She better keep her mouth shut at the party tonight. I am in NO MOOD to put up with her!

So we went to the Oakes and as usual, there were a bunch of people and a lovely spread. I ‘let’ myself eat what I felt like because it’s a party for God’s sake and I trust myself not to do any serious damage.

Our pastor was there and we were talking. He mentioned the marathon and I don’t think the poor man understood what kind of mistake that was. I started talking and couldn’t stop! I was telling him about doing it again this year and what I was going to do differently. I’m afraid he didn’t get to talk much.

I swear when Marlene came by to say good night he made his escape. I turned my back to give Marlene a hug. When I turned back around, he was gone! I’m sure he was glad to get out with his life! LOL!

Anyway, the evening continued delightfully. While my husband and I were sitting and chatting with several others in the living room, Pastor came by and introduced his girlfriend to everyone. When he got to Kris and I she exclaimed, “Oh! You’re the runners!”

I was shocked! She knew? Even if she remembered by name that a ‘Jill’ ran, I would have expected her to question it when she saw me in my short and heavy person. (Especially with my hand in the chip bowl as it was at that time).

But no, she acted like it was the most logical thing that I would be a runner.

I went back in my mind and opened the closet door. That bitch was still tied in the chair with her duct taped mouth. She had obviously been struggling as her chair was tipped over and she had to look up to me from the floor.

“Did you hear that bitch?” I said to her, “I’m not a fat lazy slob! I’m a runner. Take that!” Then I slammed the door on her. Haven’t heard from her lately.

One reason I decided to train for a marathon is I knew it’d help me feel better about myself. I knew I had a strong healthy body and I always felt like that should be enough. I wanted to be an example for other people, especially overweight girls, to not put too much stock in their size. But appreciate their healthy bodies instead.

I wanted them to see that you can do anything you put your mind to and not to wait until “I lose weight”. No, do it now and while you’re at it feel good about your body now. As it is. Healthy and strong.

Some of us heavy people put off getting out to ride or walk or run or anything we might like to do because we are told (by ourselves or others) that we can’t do those things. How fun it is to discover what you can do! Gain back the confidence and self-worth you and our culture took from you!

If big girls felt good about themselves and knew they are not limited by their size, they would have greater life satisfaction as they will be less likely to put up with people’s crap toward them. Because they will no longer believe they don’t deserve as much respect just because they can’t keep their bodies at a a size 5 like everyone says they’re supposed to.

I lived that life way too long in my childhood and a lot of my adulthood. I am still fighting my demons around body image. I hope I can help others get the upper hand on their demons.

So I get pretty discouraged when that demon bitch busts out and gets me. But, I know it’s likely to be a life long process to keep her quiet and out of the way of my happiness. But that’s ok, because I have strength, determination and an endless supply of duct tape!


Brian said...

That is a good attitude to have. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy/critic. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

That's one (of the many) thing I love about you. You are a positive person, but just a little twisted too. Sometimes I'm not quite sure just how twisted you are, but then, it's really too late for me anyway. I can only hope that I don't wake up one day hog-tied and duct taped in a dark closet. Love you!