To Eat or Not To Eat

My knees have been bothering me. Everyday. I haven’t ran since Tuesday and my knees still hurt. I don’t like this. I don’t want to  be stuck at low mileage for my whole life. But I don’t want to damage my knees either.

I’ll admit, I suspect if I got rid of only a portion of my extra weight  my joints would be less stressed and I assume I’d have less pain. But I don’t dare mention this to my husband because he doesn’t like me to talk about my extra weight.

My husband is a rare breed. He wants me to be happy as I am. He doesn’t want me struggling and straining to be different than I am. Boy do I appreciate that! He knows ‘dieting’ is extremely charged for me emotionally. He doesn’t want me living in a struggle.

He is constantly reminding me, “You are sexy and healthy as you are.” He says, “When you can’t climb peaks with me and ride centuries anymore then we’ll talk. But until then don’t worry about it.”

What about when your knees start hurting?

I have said it before and I’ll say it again. I am so against dieting. Have you ever met a person who lost weight and kept it off for a significant length of time? I haven’t and I bet few of us have.

I feel like I’m being punished when I’m on a ‘diet’. Like I don’t get to eat yummy food because I’m fat. Skinny people get to eat yummy food because they don’t get fat. That doesn’t seem fair. I’m angry that I can’t eat all the ice cream, candy and french fries I want without gaining weight. What kind of messed up world do we live in?

I suspect my attitude is skewed toward food. I don’t get drunk, do drugs, gamble or participate in other harmful activity as a way to escape stress. I have suspected for a long time that food is used as a way to relieve life stresses. It fun and enjoyable to eat!

I think I use food as entertainment and rewards sometimes. Like on Fridays after a hard work week, I’m not looking forward to getting home so I can veg in front of the TV  or computer. I am looking forward to having a big dinner with ‘fun snacks’  afterwards. I love food! As in there are times that I MUST have candy or someone is going to die.

Something else I have noticed with food is that if I eat sugary or fatty food I want more of it. This is well established as fact in general. The more you eat sugar and fat that more you want it. Again, we live in a messed up world!

Usually I would say, if you work hard, eat healthy the majority of the time and you are healthy don’t worry about it. Enjoy your life! I DO NOT  want to be that girl that never eats a french fry or God forbid be afraid of carbs!!! I am so tired of that! Girls like that get on my last nerve. Eat a damn apple! It’s not going to hurt you!

But if my weight is impeding my running, should I try to lose weight?

I hear people saying, “Eat what you want, just not too much of it.” Not sure I can do that.   I eat big and if anyone suggests I have eaten enough I bite their arm off!

I love running and I love eating. Will I have to give up one for the other?